A Glimpse into my Story

Hey, friends! I plan to write more Lent-related posts between now and Easter. But this week, I want to share a bit of my story.

About three years ago, I stood in the DMV, waiting to take my permit test. I was shuddering with anxiety, and struggled to comprehend the simple questions the man at the desk asked me. I could barely remember my own name.

Later that spring, after miraculously earning my permit, I sat behind the wheel and -- under the guidance of a kind teacher -- attempted to drive. But the stop signs, lanes, and traffic lights all dissolved to a pulp in my mind. I couldn't get the car, or my body, to function in the way I so desperately wanted. And it was devastating.

Fear was killing me, mentally, physically, emotionally, and socially. Spiritually, I was clinging to a glimmer of light, because I had experienced the power of Jesus firsthand. I doubted my circumstances would get much better. But I trusted (most of the time) that God would give me the strength to endure every difficulty, and that there would still be glimpses of peace in my bleakest moments.

I later discovered that many of my challenges -- particularly in the area of driving -- were at least partially connected to sensory processing issues. So I started seeing an occupational therapist. Over the course of one year, I was astonished by the changes I noticed in myself as a result. Tasks that previously felt discouraging or even impossible became more manageable. I started regularly attending a youth group for the first time in years. Slowly but surely, I was starting to heal, and it felt amazing.

Then I hit an emotional wall and sank into a practically debilitating season of pain and depression. Life felt gray and cold, the simplest of responsibilities were exhausting, and most of the time all I could think about was just trying to stumble through another day.

That was the fall of 2022. Between then and now, something has shifted in my life. During the last few months, the changes have been dramatic. Maybe it's the diet I've been on or the supplements I've taken. Maybe it's the incredible friends and family members who have prayed for me, cried with me, and loved me throughout this journey. Maybe it's the music and podcasts I've listened to, the books I've read, or the impactful events I've attended.

It's probably a mix of all this, and more.

But ultimately -- as cliché as it sounds -- I attribute all the freedom and joy I now experience to the healing power of Jesus.

I share all this to say that less than a week ago I earned my full driver's license. Three years ago, when my heart was pounding at the DMV, I would have struggled to believe such a thing could ever be possible for me. But now this is my reality, and I am stronger, happier, and more eager to face the future than I have ever been.

Today isn't perfect by any stretch. The world is still broken, and I am still a flawed human who gets overwhelmed, terrified, and makes mistakes. But I am grateful. Brimming over with His love. It feels like springtime (although ironically it's winter outside). I pray, from the depths of my heart, that the same may become true in your life.